I had a long weekend this week, 3 days yeeeeey.
So I tried to finish some of my pending tasks especially in the housework. I decided to rearrange my closet, to see what I already have and what I need. This task revealed two things broke my heart .
That almost half of my skin care and hair care things( creams, scrubs ….) are expired and that I gained huge amount of flesh.
I am a skin care maniac, I have always cared for keep my skin scented and soft, I know that I have only one body and I want celebrate this blessing. I treasured my birthdays gifts: perfumes, masks and creams. I have being using them since I was 14years old or even younger, however I preferred to keep the some of them to utilize them when I have a stable relationship. I have this fantasy that I want to enjoy my beauty with my lover. Keeping them untouched made them expire.
These products did not have my patience. They did not wait for too long as I waited for Mr. Right. And he did not come yet. that does not mean that I was not in relations or that I did not fall in love, but the perfect match is still not there yet.
The expiring date reminded me that my clock is ticking and I am almost thirty years old, thanks to God I achieved nice things in my academic life and my career, however I am always whining because of lack of luck with men. I do not feel that my life is incomplete, I feel that I need a partner to share the memories with me, to be there when I am in pain or joy, he missed the graduation of BA and MA, he missed my first flight abroad and he missed thousands and thousands of events. when he will show up to see what I am doing and enjoy it with me.
Closet rearrangement also made me notice that I gained huge amount of weight, I am wearing 3 extra sizes than what I used to wear in 2007, my best shape ever after coming back to Egypt from Belgium. I always had this body image thing, how fat I am, how is my figure, Am I proportioned or not? I have been athletic when I was a teenager, and I stopped playing sports because High school diploma fever.
Stooping sports pressured me to watch my diet and to take care of how much fats I put to my hips through my lips. Currently I am trying to reduce my weight through a nice diet, not very harsh one to avoid depression and hair fall. And definitely I will NEVER visit a nutrition doctor, they made me feel horrible.
I am sad, I hate being in denial, I cherish my femininity , although I have issues with expressing in public. I am aware that I am getting old and I am accumulating wisdom, experience and knowledge however, I am waiting for time to put his fingerprints on me, like wrinkles for example. I will still wait for my perfect match, I will not trade my principles or lower my standards for anyone or any reason.
Note: I was hesitant to write about this in these sad days in Egypt, but I felt that I can share my feelings with you and that is not consider disrespect the grief of Nag' Hamdi clashes, people born and die and life continues .