Thursday, January 3, 2013

travelling to seek a cure for the soul

In the last period of time, i was under much stress related to family and work. And for sure the situation of Egypt is adding extra pressure on all our shoulders. 
i reached a point that i am totally disoriented, unproductive and panic and anger attacks were always hunting me down. And I have been through unfruitful relations
at a certain point i thought there is no way out , and i am trapped to my fate and there is no hand can pull out of that dark well.
in an addition to that i have to say that all the souls that i depended on them to cure my pains are already suffering their own trauma, so seeking help was like adding burden to the already suffering friends 
I did all my techniques to cheer myself up but it did not work.
An idea stroked me to get about of the context away of work, family and country.
That’s why I changed my expenditure style for the first time since my graduation and saved to come to turkey, god knows how hard that was, but I needed away out
I was not only seeking seeing the beauties of this country, but to get in touch with a  very dear, well one of the dearest friends I ever had , asli .
I think that I changed over the past years and I developed huge amount of resentment and anger on myself and others. I changed to be a person that alienating herself from the events in order to stop the non stop pain I feel with any political discussion in Egypt. And I hate when the event brings me out of me bubble to react.
I felt the soul and the mind need refreshment, getting out was like abandon many things, the stress of following the news feeds and comments in twitter for example felt well.
And turkey for me was not that fantasy I had since I was young, the country which that last Islamic caliphates, but also that country which went in a similar political situation which the polarization between Islamic political powers and secular ones.
I can see that there is deep urge to put  the photos  of Ataturk who repersent the civil and secular face of the Turkish republic , the founder of Turkey of today and the existance  pro Islamic trends which I can see through the number of veiled women, even if it is still not accurate indicator, because it is social in most of the cases than religious.
Add to that Turkey is having great Islamic architecture and that was food of sight and bless to the soul, and complete different from the Egyptian style. I really enjoyed the stories of it. Although I had my tourism guide book, but when Asli was saying how the power struggle in the ottoman empire lead to a law by Mohamed el Fateh that a Sultan can kill his brother to secure his throne, that was for me a slap and it was information I never knew and I think that the current political situation in Egypt lead us to a similar situation, where one power totally alienates the rest actor from the political arena.
 And away from the headache of the politics, through this journey I was cured by the beauty of the sea and hospitality of my friend family, where I felt really welcomed and cherished.
Also as a typical cynical person, this was my first trip outside after taking off the veil, and I can say that the look to me is different, either because I am in a country that almost half of the city is veiled or I am getting tougher from what I encountered before.
The journey is supposed to be recharge of my energy and cure of the pain I suffered from and it is actually is, I am writing it in the last days in Istanbul .
I am coming back to Egypt with many questions about myself and how I will deal with my life, even if I took some tips from my dear Asli