امايا يا اماه

النسويات زي اي بني ادمين بيكونوا ارائهن و مواقفهن من ظروفهن و نشأتهن و قراءاتهن و خبرتهن  ... و سمعت من نسويات كتير ان اكتر حد اثر فيها هي امها او شخصيات انثوية تانية زي الجدة او العمة او المدرسة  .

 هي اما انها كنت شخصية ايقونية شديدة القوة و هي اللي قادرة تقود حياتها و حياة عيلتها و اطفالها ... و النموذج التاني هو انها تعرضت للاذي كتير اوي و اتقهرت من مجتمع و شخصيات ابوية .

انا واحدة من الناس دي، امي و جدتي لامي اثروا في حياتي اوي ... و كل ما اكبر و اوعي اكتر احس ازاي السيدتين دول واجهوا ظروف خانقة و مجتمع غير ودود ، اضف الي ذلك انتمائهن لاقلية اثنية ، زودت الضغط عليهم ، لاني مؤمنة ان الاقليات بتضغط ضغط مضاعف علي النساء ، لانها تتعامل معاهن انهن حاملات الارث و التراث .

 جدتي الارملة اللي ما عندهاش دخل تقريبا اللي بتربي 3 اولاد و حظها انها منتمية لعيلة متضامنة و متكافلة فعلا ، و امي كمان اللي خاضت ظروف صعبة جدا من اول النشأة في عيلة شديدة الفقر و تطلعها لمستقبل احسن و اجتهادها انها تحسن وضعها بالتعليم و ازاي انها دخلت تعليم جامعي بس عشان تحقق حلم جدتها اللي صعب عليها ان بنات العيلة درسوا في الجامعة و امي منعتها ظروفها من دة. و فعلا امي درست في الجامعة ، بعد ما درست في مدرسة ثانوي ليلية و في نفس الوقت اللي كانت بتشتغل فيه و بعدين زواجها بابويا اللي كان بيمر بظروف صحية خاصة و كان لها تبعاتها علي حياتنا و ازاي امي استحملت كتير اوي عشان العلاقة تستمر و ازاي عانت اول ما بقت ارملة من نزاعات عائلية و خاضت لوحدها نفس تجربة جدتي في تربية 3 اطفال اصغرهم كان عنده 9 سنين يوم وفاة الاب  و ازاي انها طول الوقت كانت مهتمة انها توفر لنا افضل الظروف اللي هي ما حظيتش بها من تعليم عالي الجودة و كماليات كتير و لغاية دلوقتي ازاي كل همها انها توفر لنا امان كامل و اللي بتمثل عندها في الامان الاقتصادي.

امي اللي باحبها اوي مش ملاك و لا ستي كمان .... رغم اني باحبهم اوي بس انا كمان شايفاهم كانوا شريكات في اعادة انتاج القهر ، اللي ستات كتير بتعملوه ، متخيلين ان الرضوخ لمعايير المجتمع هو المنجي الاخير لاي انثي و المهرب من الاستبعاد و ألسنة الناس اللي بتقتل. الجدة و الام الاتنين استخدموا عنف تجاهي علي امل اني ابقي بنت كويسة و مثل اكسر للبنت ضلع يطلع لها 24 ضلع كان مثل اساسي في حياتي . انا مدركة دلوقتي ان ما كانش عندهم خيارات كتير او انهم ما كانوش يعرفوا ان في خيارات او تخيلوا ان الخيار دة هو الاحسن .

انا ساعات باحس ان علاقة الام بالابنة من اعقد العلاقات و ساعات باحس ان حنان ماضي لخصتها في اغنيتها "شدي الضفاير" . الضفيرة اللي بتخبي فيها الام الورث ...تقاليد و عادات و دين و معلومات .... مع كل ضفيرة الام بتتأكد انا بتصيغ شكل بنتها ...شخصيتها .... و مصيرها...

انا عارفة ان امي اكتر حد حبني، بس كان بيصعب عليا ليه بتختار لي خيارات صعبة و انا رفضاها... ليه رغم اني كنت صغيرة اوي الا اني عرفت اعافر ضد رغبتها في ختاني ...في 1994 كنت يا دوب 12 سنة... كان مؤتمر القاهرة للسكان موضوع اساسي من موضوعات الختان او الانتهاك للاعضاء التناسلية للاناث و كنت باقرأ جرايد و يمكن دة من الحاجات اللي نجتني الي جانب ابويا اللي كان بيحمل فكر تقدمي . ساعات كتير حسيت بالضغط ان كل قرار في حياتي كان لازم اخوض معركة عشان اخد حقي في تقرير مصيري، مش ها انكر انها كانت بتدعمني مجرد اني اخدت قراري ، بس فكرة ان حياتي كلها كانت خناقات دة شئ بيزعجني جدا

ساعات تانية كنت باحتار ليه  امي عايزة تصبغ حياتي بتجربتها ، ليه مش عايزة تصدق اني اتخلقت في عالم مختلف و ان رغباتي و اختياراتي مختلفة ....

لسة مستاءة ان امي مش سعيدة بخطواتي في الحياة لانها في درب تاني غير دربها ... لسة باضايق انها بتدعي في كل صلاة ان ربنا يهديني ، و لو اني مش مهدية عشان اخترت سكة بتاعتي بادور فيها علي حلمي . عارفة انها بتدور علي احلامها المبتورة فيا و عارفة ان انا فرصتها الوحيدة ان حلمها يتحقق و يكبر ...بس دة عبء ينوء به عاتقي .

ساعات باحس اننا كستات  بنقسي علي بعض اكتر من الناس و من الزمن و نتخيل اننا لو حطينا بناتنا في قوالب حديد تسحق رجليهم ، يبقي كدة احسن مساعدة نقدمها لهم....

انا حبيت اتكلم عن فكرة اعادة انتاج القهر من منظور شخصي و لاني باحب الحكي حكيت لكم حكايتي 

انا مؤمنة ان دوايرنا الخاصة هي اللي بتحدد خياراتنا في الحياة العامة و تنعكس عليه بقوة ...و انا كمان شايفة ان حب الامهات ساعات بيبقي زي حب الدبة اللي قتلت صاحبها ...مش باحب فكرة بيروج لها البعض ان الامهات بيحبوا يشوفوا بناتهم يتألموا زيهم ....فكرة سادية اوي ما تتفقش مع رقي العلاقة و قدسيتها اللي بين الام و البنت

امي ..كانت سندي و المكان الوحيد اللي عارفة انه مش ها يضيق بيا مهما ابدت استيائها من تخييبي لاملها ...بس نفسي انا لما ابقي ام ما اكتفش جناحات بنتي و اسيبها تطير ...حرة طليقة

و زي ما اغنية شدي الضفاير قالت :

امايا ...يا اماه 

جوايا ...ايه 

امايا ...يا اماه ..جوايا ...ليل 

و كلام باحسه و باقولها مرة

عذاب باحسه عذاب و ثورة

عن المثلية الجنسية

زي اي حد اتولد في بيت متدين و محافظ في حاجات بالنسبة لنا تابوهات و مجرد مناقشتها اضاعة للوقت و ساعات بتبقي خرق للقواعد و الاصول. و في حاجات كتير اوي بنتربي انها حقيقة و غير قابلة للتسأول و انها بديهية في اوقات اخري.

انا اتولدت في بيت شديد التدين ، و ياما اتهزأت عشان ما صليتش و ساعات كمان اضربت و كانت دايما الطقوس و العادات الدينية بالغة الوضوح في حياتنا اليومية . و في وسط الحاجات اللي عرفتها ، مش فاكرة برة البيت و لا جواه ، لان برة البيت في حالات كتير كان بيبني علي اللي البيت ابتداه ، زي المدرسة او النادي  . من الحاجات اللي اتعرفت عليها  رأي الدين في المثلية ، المعروفة بالشذوذ الجنسي. و اتربيت ان ربنا خلقنا عشان نعمر الكون و ان وسيلة الاعمار هي الزواج اللي عن طريقه بنتكاثر و يعمر الكون، و بالتالي اي ممارسات لا تؤدي للاعمار الارض مرفوضة و سمعت زي الكل قصة قوم لوط اللي ربنا عاقبهم عقاب شديد.

بس بقي في مرحلة متطورة  ابديت اقرأ موقع اسلام اون لاين ، و دة كان في الجامعة يعني ... و كان اسلام اون لاين بالنسبة لي ملجأ بقي ، يعني كان في افكار اكثر تفتحا من الفكر الاسلامي المنتشر و انا مثلا كان من الحاجات اللي شداني باب قسم مشكلات الشباب ، اللي اتحول بقدرة قادر للحوارات و تسأولات عن الحياة الجنسية . يعني و الاسئلة كانت اسطمبات الشباب و الغير متزوجين خايفين ان العادة السرية تأثر علي ادائهم عند الزواج و البنات خايفة انها تقطع غشاء البكارة اثناء العادة السرية و انها ما تستمتعش بالجماع لاعتيادها علي المتعة الشخصية ...... و في اسطمبة و هي الشكوي من الميول الجنسية المثلية ، و دة بقي كان بيتم التعامل معاه في العادي انه اما نتيجة تحرش في الصغر ، او انه وسيلة للتفريغ لحين الزواج ، مش انه ميل و تفضيل جنسي . بس و عشت فترات طويلة بالفكر دة . 

لغاية ما قابلت اول حد مثلي في حياتي في الماجستير و تعاطفت معاها علي المستوي الانساني بس ما ابتديتش اغير رأيي علي المستوي النظري الا بعد 2008 ، لاني قريت احد اكثر الكتب اللي اثرت فيا و هي بريد مستعجل ، و هي حكايات بنات مثليات من لبنان . دة غير اني ابتديت اكتشف ان حتي الرأي الطبي اللي كنت مقتنعة به و اللي استقيت من اسلام اون لاين ما هو الا انعكاس للرأي الديني و ان العالم شال المثلية الجنسية من قائمة الامراض النفسية من السبعينات.

الفكرة بقي بالنسبة لي ، مش اني اجادل التفسير الديني مثلا ، رغم اني باطرح عليكم تبصوا علي تفسيرات حديثة لموضوع الميل الجنسي في الاسلام و لكن اني اطرح اسئلة انسانية من ناحية هل اي حد فينا بيختار تفضيلاته الجنسية، احنا بنتولد باعضاء تناسلية مذكرة او مؤنثة و حالات شديدة الندرة inter sex  و بعدين هويتنا الجنسية يعني احنا شايفين نفسنا رجالة و لا ستات بتتنامي حسب رؤيتنا و المجتمع اللي حوالينا ، و برضه بنتولد نلاقي لنا ميل جنسي معين . في اي حد فينا اختار انها تبقي بنت و تحب الولاد ، او انه يبقي ولد و يحب البنات . بنفس المنطق المثليين بيجدوا انفسهم في مزنق ، انه علي عكس كل اللي اتربوا عليه بيبقي الولد بيحب ولد زي و البنت تحب بنت زيها . و لك ان تتخيل الموقف اللي بيبقوا فيه انهم ممكن ما يكونوش قابلين وضعهم دة اصلا ، دة غير انه طبعا مرفوض من كل اللي حواليهم .

تخلي مثلي متدين مثلا ، و تخيل كمية الالم و الغضب اللي بيطوره تجاه نفسه بس لانه خالف امر ربنا . في مواقف كتير صعبة في الدنيا اصعبها انك تكون كاره لوضعك في مجتمع كارهك. طبعا الناس المتصالحة مع نفسها و مدركة انه مفيش حاجة بايدها بتعاني برضه مجتمعيا بس علي الاقل ممكن روحهم تمر بلحظات سلام.

مجرد خاطرة في ذكري حادثة كوين بوت .... في اليوم المصري لمناهضة التمييز ضد مثليي/ات الجنس

Comment on Amr Diab phedophilic song

He released a new CD , I was impressed that he did so although I know that the current political and economic situation will influence the sales badly.  

What astonished me in this CD, not that is lame reputation to his older songs , but the awful song " Ya ret senek yezid sanatin , ashan senek keda soghier" which mean, I wish you were two years older , because now you are too young !!!!!

. this is clear case of pedophilia , that he loves an underage girl and he can not have a relationship with her.

I could not help but analyzing  this song from a sexual perspective and it really irritated me , however some of my friends started arguing that the idea of the legal age of marriage and the legal agency to have concessional sexual relation is relative ,  that in country which approve sexual relations within marriage institutions , the marriage age is 18 or like deciding 18 as age for concessional sex in other countries that enjoys sexual freedom.

I agree that why it is 18 not 19 for example , and what is standard to know that the person has the agency to decide what is right and what is wrong.

This song just remind with a deep rooted problem in Egypt which the early marriage, where the economics , culture and bad interpretations of Islam co operate to harm thousands of young Egyptian women. And in this regard I have to say that the legal solution is not the effective solution , I believe it needs a holistic solution .

This is just some scattered ideas which invaded my mind while listening to this ugly song

Vriginity Obessesion

I wrote my last post on the usage of the virginity issue in the Egyptian political scene, I considered it sexualistaion and objectification of women, but these lofty words are not enough to describe the pains and the tragedies associated with virginity issue. The ugly face of the patriarchal society we are living in appeared again , that unfortunately the issue of virginity seems to be dominant on the agenda of the Egyptian politics lately. Recently brutal facts appeared, thanks to the great efforts of El Nadeem center of rehabilitation of the victims of violence. El Nadeem center uncovered the crimes committed by the army against the female detainees of the break into of Tahrir square on the 9th of March. The testimonies showed that the army doctors violated the bodily and sexual rights and integrity of the female detainees by testing their virginity .


To cut it short , let's say that this is beyond disgusting , and it shows the obsession of a whole society by inch of membrane and the rooted tendency to evaluate women according to their sexual activity . I really cannot imagine what parochial mentality can control a society to judge women morality according to her usage of her vagina. I cannot see more humiliation than the virginity test which classify women either into respectable women or whores .

I strongly believe that women have the full and free well to discuss how , when and with whom to have sex, and I think that the obsession of women " honor" is just attempt by the family, partner and the community to impose their control on women and regulate their behavior according to what so called social norms .

The obsession by virginity reminds me with the chastity belts in the medieval times , that when a society categorize women according to the existence of their hymens or not , it is exactly the same like hanging unseen chastity belt in each women genitals and taking the keys from them . The unseen belt might be based on religion or tradition, but whatever reasons behind it this unseen belt , it transforms women into a commodity to be evaluated , sold and enslaved.

I am not pro or anti pre martial sex, however I am a vocal advocate of women autonomy , women should decide whether or not to be engaged in sexual relations and the consequences of their decisions should not stigmatize them .

Finally , I am still traumatized and speechless that the state of women's hymen can be used against her in a legal case in a court in Egypt, I cannot believe that woman can be judged because she decided to exercise my rights over her own body. I know that virginity is a taboo in Egypt and it will still be for very long time, but taboos are not eternal facts , they are moveable yet resisting rocks . I wish that one day our society will come to an understanding that the autonomy of women is not promiscuity and it will not disturb the balance of the universe .

Honor of a woman is beyond blood and felsh

the virginity and the constitution

My friend Doaa Abd elAal sent me a video of amending the constitution, which is the hot political topic in Egypt. The opposition to this amendments called  it trail to rebuild the constitution, but the term used in Arabic was "Terqee'" aka rebuilding the hymen.

And that was visualized in a video of a woman seems not " good enough " according to the Egyptian conservative standard and she was described that she was doing all what she wants , mainly having sex before marriage . The scene after that an innocent bride and her groom and the video ends by you deserve better than that.

The bottom line is this is sexism, the Ad used the women sexuality and judged women who choose certain choices that that is not accepted by the society that the are not " good " women, I just want to ask why this primary questions is still valid, I feel that many things changes and some things seems to be unmovable rocks like the issue of virginity.

Again on LGBT rights

I will continue on my last post, the journey of discovering the world : LGBT rights. I just want to share with you why I decided to talk about such issue, as I stated before my dear friend N and reading Bareed Masta3jil , but the immediate reason was the meeting with LGBT rights advocate in Jackson, Mississpi .

I noticed that my visit program does not have any scheduled meeting with LGBT advocates, I do not know , but I am a skeptical person, I thought that they US department of State and the contractors thought that we are good Arab and Muslims who do not want to see culturally  insensitive  topics like LGBT rights, so I asked a very good soul we met, Jed Oppenheim to fix us a meeting with LGBT advocate .

We met Ashley Jackson from the Mississippi safe schools coalition ,   she talked about her work in ensuring safe places for LGBT persons in schools, she told as many sad stories of persons been bullied for been LGBT or even if people think they are.

The stories were just about small tiny basic rights like attending the prom with your partner, being able to dress whatever they want and the end of stories like committing suicide was just horrible and I could stop myself from writing a supporting post. I found similarities between the situation of LGBT persons in the south of the US in the very conservative states and the situation in the Middle East and North Africa.

In addition to that , Ashley shared with us very interesting ideas like the struggle of LGBT persons to assert their identities as believers belonging to various faiths, I was always inspired by persons that we just think they do not belong to our strict dogma , but they have a flexible and inclusive perception of their faiths, I shared with them some progressive Islamic ideas about LGBT and I still can remember the reaction of my very liberal Saudi friend , when she just spoke in Arabic in my face saying " are you really speaking of homosexuality in Islam?"   

Yes I spoke about homosexuality and Islam , although they might sound oxymoron, but there are individuals  in the billions of Muslims who thing that we can have whatever sexual orientation and whatever gender identity and still be deemed a pious Muslim.

Allah will never punish you for your fate , you do not shape your destiny    

On the journey of world discovering :LGBT rights

I was always waiting to talk about my taboos, the issues that really had hard times to decide what I think about it and one of this issues is the LGBT rights, or the rights of the sexual minorities . I will tell you some of my stories with LGBT issues in this post.

I never thought of it before April 2008, in the meeting of raising fund for the feminist movement in the Middle East and North Africa. There was my first encounter with LGBT advocates, my good friend N was very outspoken and she articulated her interests as LGBT advocate and her talks showed the intersection between the sexual orientation, gender identity and age . I remember that I never approached her and I did not know how to deal with her , what to say and what not to say. She just broke many of the fundamental ideas I had, she offered me a complete new image which is  contradicting with my so called Islamic vision, I thought I have simple idea about Homosexuality and I considered  it a disease  as my source of knowledge Islam online said. My dear N stood in front of the icons of the Arab feminist movement claiming that the liberty of a woman will be gained by liberating her vagina, N advocated for freedom of all women not only women belonging to  the sexual minorities.

Then many bells rang in my mind, I started reading progressive interpretations of Islam and started question my deep rooted ideas, but what really make me feel completely different is reading Bareed Mast3jel , the stories of queer women in Lebanon, when they shared their fears, anxieties and small moments of joy through this book, I felt that we share more than I think and what differentiate us is only human made labels that will never be static and should not be taken for granted.  I just felt the pain and misery they face for no good reason other than claiming their rights to be who they are.

I know that I will never be a vocal  advocate of LGBT rights, i will be a supporter to this cause and  I will always support any person right to claim whatever identity they want .

Thanks N for showing me another dimension of the human diversity

Sex Workers

Today I have been to New Orleans, I am enjoying the warmth of the south and the hospitality of the people, I was expecting to see Jazz clubs and music everywhere, however I did not find my expectations real.

Since I am clumsy enough, and I do not read maps, I have to follow my colleagues, so I ended up in the "Red light district" or the prostitution area. To be honest this is not my first time to such area, I have been a good tourist in Amsterdam, and my curiosity  took me to the Red Light district. It was quite an experience to see the sex workers in bikinis  dancing in show windows . that took place in May 2007. But this experience is quite easier than today experience for many reasons , first I was accompanied by colleagues from the Arab world , so I might received a harsh ethical judgment for being in such area as a veiled woman, the second reason is that I visited the Red light district in a week day at 3 pm and there were not too much actions to see there, unlike today where women almost naked where dancing in the balconies and many drunk guys flirting with them. and the last reason that we were mixed group of men and women, so that really irritated me.

I have to admit how progressive I might sound, but still I am really conservative when it comes to sex workers, I perceive it as an abuse against women. I am in denial when it comes to recognize that some women opt to be professional sex worker and they  consider it a profession like any other profession, that is the echo of my feminist conscience , however I find really hard to accept sex work as a form of women sexual agency, I know I sound very traditional conservative woman, but I can not figure what is empowering in  a woman offering a man a sexual services being under the pressure of need, however I think that sex work should be monitored by the state, to ensure the access of sex workers to health services .

Sex workers are one of the categories of women that trigger many questions in my mind, just wanted to share some ideas about it with you, may be later on I will have concrete ideas.   

Women, Sexuality and name calling.

I have always being questioning why the people obsessed with sexuality; I know that is a very vital part of our human nature. Why all the degrading swears are related to the sexually oppressed persons, whether it is a female in heterosexual relation or gays in homosexual relation (this is the mainstream patriarchal vision of roles in sexual relation). Why is important to act sexually in a socially approved manner, although sexuality is so private and it is confined in the private sphere and why gender roles in sexual relations are prescribed by the society and it is very challenging to resist this pre-made roles or figures.

A recent accident influenced my thought. I was going to the office early in the morning in a rush hour of crowded Cairo. I was crossing the road slowly in a green light; a man in fancy car was horning to me to cross faster to let him pass although his light was red. I just thought that he is violating my right so I walked slowly on purpose. He called me "Labwa" the lioness. I was angry and almost said a nasty word. But the policeman intervened and told him it is her right to walk in the green light, and watch your mouth. I looked to the man in a very rough way and left peacefully physically, and emotionally hurt, for committing no guilt. I just claimed my right n the street.

"Labwa" is a nasty word, because it means that a woman is sexually very active and if one partner is not fulfilling for her, so she might engage polygamous relation, she is breadwinner, she hunts the animals, while the lazy male lion is enjoying sun and flexing his muscles. And she is the main care giver; she is taking care of the babies. So the moral of the story in a nutshell is do not be economically independent, do not be sexually proactive and do not express your desires to your partner and do not search for satisfaction if your partner is not fulfilling you (I do not believe in open inclusive relationships and I believe in monogamous relationships, however I see people still have the right to adopt the kind of relation which suits them).
So although the man told me "Labwa" to insult me, however I was quite proud to called "Labwa" because it denotes that I am an independent women, I do not gain my legitimacy and agency from being attached to a certain man and I am the one to judge how much I am satisfied or not in my relation and I have the right to exist from and relation and seek satisfaction with another partner, if not fulfilled.

This is a humble attempt to deconstruct the name calling, social stigma and its relation with women and sexuality. I am sure that there is literature on this topic; however I think we need to highlight such questions and create new answer sensitive to our current lived reality, to add our own contribution to the feminist thought. We need to construct feminist epistemology to confront with the mainstream common patriarchal cultural norms on sexuality and its accepted or rejected gender roles and figures I think we need to rethink the rationale of name calling and why do we attach social stigma to the oppressed: sexually, economically and ethnically.

To be followed with other posts, about the change of accepting homosexual relations and sex workers. And body issues and politics of veiling and revealing in the contemporary Egyptian society.

Personal note: I am astonished that I am discussing this in public. I am adopting a new strategy to get the private public. Bare in mind that comments are monitored on this blog. Offensive unconstructive comments are not welcomed. So save my time and yours.

I dedicate this post to two of my dearest friends Maria, who suffered once from my obsession by, swears and Mozn for bearing me as a very disturbed and nagging friend for more than 7 years. Thanks ladies!!!

Stay tuned!!

Fatma