Sunday, January 29, 2012

on love life: revisiting my perceptions.

Two years ago I wrote"expiring date "post. I was overweight and I did not witness a stable and long term relation. By that time I had imagination that Mr Right is there somewhere and he will make life more beautiful.
I decided to revisit this post, now I am also overweight , even fatter . and I am in the first stable and long relationship in my life, noting that I will be thirty years old in June, I am so lucky, right ??.  I have to admit that he made me feel happier, but does he brings happiness only? No he does not , he can be the reason for the ugliest pain I ever felt. I thought that he is the secret ingredient for my eternal joy  but I discovered that no he is not,  he is as any other part of my support system, he can be reason of making dreams come true and the reason of breaking my heart.
I am wondering why in heaven I thought that my partner will be  a super person that brings happiness and always send me roses along with positive vibes and support. why I was that naive and I thought that if he is the one, so everything will be perfect .  why did I think that my life will be completely different . yes it is nicer, but also I went through many dilemmas and the relationship made me question my perceptions on many things , like my independence , personal freedom and the meaning of commitment . some things that I thought I will never bargain, I found myself  bargaining it and accepting compromises .
Why I was that dreamy?, I was happy alone,   I am not the kind of the girl that has an empty life, I have many things to do, I have huge network of friends and a tribe , this is how I call my huge family . but I still hate that I was alone.
Now I am passing through another dilemma , I am asking myself, what if a day come and he left, or I left. I will manage to live alone again?? Will the pain of loneliness be harder?? Will it be easy to forget and start a new life?? I do not know I just wonder .

No comments: